Abortion in China. My research paper for English..I need a total new aspect to talk about…im deep in thought..considerations are “one-child policy”, “chinese preferance to male children”, “moral and ethical values ( single and pregnant)” “lack of sex education”…but i need something special..apart from these obviouse ones..think! brain! think!
maybe i’ll adopt a story..but then i’ll have to consider it all throughout and it’ll be messy..aghh! help!
Goodbye world! im done…
whooooooooooooooooooooosh! THUCK! FUCK!
THE SOUND OF ME GETTING HIT BY ALIENS…
FUCK !
I HATE THE FREAKING WORLD! I WISH I COULD BRAINWASH MYSELF..
I can’t take this anymore..yesterday was just freaky! i know i end up saying that like every freaking day that something out of ordinary happens..i got so bloody high at a friends party and i ended up doing something i wouldn’t do if i was sober..fuck it..i feel like a horrid lil animal right now and added to that, i didn’t tell my parents that im going to a party and staying over and they seriously found out! im just in for SOME SCARY SHIT right now..My parents gone nuts…im just DONE with life..regrets regrets..i wounded my left foot yesterday too,added to all the shit and now i can barely walk..i just hate this drama..now my parents are going to throw their melodramatics into this shit pile! im sorry for being so whiny and uninteresting, but this has got to get out of my system..hope my parents are not planning anything for me or anything,i have promised enogh times that i won’t go anywhere without their permission..its just crazy! im just going mad..i just look at all of it and all i want to do is shut myself out and stay alone..its just annoying how my brain keeps saying things and mind going insane..
im never going to drink again…shit! i just loathe this…god im just lost! its crazy how after all the fun you end up siitting in your room alone feeling worse by the second..it is as if to say never have fun in life because the next day, you are just going to regret it…arghhhhhhhhhh! most of all, i just feel angry at my parents..if they had just allowed me to go, i wouldn’t even need to have lied..i just don’t understand what they call “protection” for god’s sake, i travel in the bus and encounter dirty old perverty men like everyday…although most of them are treated with my attitude and stares, it’s just that i hate all the staring..and feeling you up..gosh , the next @#$%*$@$%^&( is so going to go home with his balls down his throat.. im serious..
i was also deeply betrayed yesterday..i just can’t believe that i have been an absolute idiot..i thought i could judge people pretty well but turns out im very wrong.. things, will never quite be the same again, i believe.. im just protective towards someone and when that person gets hurt, its like real pain,you know…i just can’t decide what to do about it,that’s all..but…oh gosh! i know what im saying is pretty disorted and i am hardly getting any story across..im ust relieving myself, trying to think logically..but its impossible, when you feel like a spider caught in his own web..i just can’t decide whether to even give up or not..
screw it!
Im listening to “you were mine” by dixie chicks..although its not my style at all and the lyrics aren’t even that good..something in the song just hits me where it hurts..i just finished listening for the 45th time since i first heard it but still not tired of it..weird! it’s not even about something i can relate to but what the hell? it’s 10:12 pm and im really sleepy but i cant sleep..i want to eat chocolate biscuits! but the thought of getting out of the bed, climbing down the stairs , groping the wall for the switch , finding the biscuit tin just seems like so much work…crap! i wish i had a slave..he he not really! i wish i had one of those remote control thingies or some robot to fetch me my chocolate biscuits..
Nothing feels real anymore..i think it’s high time i face the facts..im destined to love no one ..maybe i’ll get a turtle,a cat, and a dog and live with them forever..i can adopt a kid and we’ll live in a white house by the sea and i would take them to see the country and point at landscapes,mesmerized by their beauty..boring! i will lock my heart away and meet no man,or woman..and i will love my dog and cat and my turtle..we’ll be family..i’ll name them after chocolates or video games…
continued..
I’m thinking of something interesting to write on..but my mind is pretty blank..in case nobody has noticed,i changed my blog design..plus the title..to tell the truth,im just waiting for the perfect title to hit my head so what’s actually going on is just a “trial and error” thingie 
hope nobody minds!
ROCK ON!
THE WISE ONE
X.o.O.x BIG KISS,SMALL HUG,BIG HUG,SMALL KISS
and even if you pretend that you don’t care, it still hurts..
why does it pierce your skin and enter the depth of your heart and
slash it with a series of strokes so that you feel the pain over and over again..?
until you are numb and helpless..
but why do you get up again and hug yourself…… and start to believe? ……….again?
how come we forget pain so easily?
trip and fall to the depths of pain? yet again?
maybe we like it..just falling in and getting up…
reaching for the moon
but never even hitting a star..
This is one of my sad poems..it’s not even a real poem..it started out as a diary entry but i think it deserves a place as a poem…..that sad, lonely, ME..
i had the best sunday in a long time,yesterday.! specko, me and three of his friends sat at the galleface eating “isso wade” and sipping coke talking about pros and cons of latin dancing! it was actually planned that we’ll go to the rock concert at Nuovo but when we got there, some rocker dude said the concert wasn’t all that happening so we decided that we’d rather save 500 bucks than spend it on a non-happening-event and hit the beach..there were so many people! we sat around talking about random things…then specko and me drove home with 101.7 at blasting volume and the wind hitting on our faces..! thanx man! awsome is the word!
stfallen advices me to adopt the minimal version of this theme for my blog…yeh..ok..since it seems like im actually getting some stuff written minus the cockroaches and my random ramblings..i’ll change it when i can concentrate on that..now it seems like too much work..
im depressed about my fashion forwardness and at the count of 100 people inquiring about “this is all the shit i could find” necklace..either they are too nosy for words or the necktie is absolutely shit..eversince i decided to wear it two weeks ago people who have been on earth for a longer time(aka my parents) and my blithe peer group seems to be taking a doubled interest in my sense of fashion..i used to look indifferent to their stupidity and categorize them as myriad-versions-of-the-same-shit..but this is just too much..not only does my parents demand that i take it off ,the bratty pair seems to be unable to shift their tiny minds from the ever interesting area of my neckline…rggghh!
meanwhile,my not quite so tiny,mind has been overtaken by a desire to focus on a single object until i get bored at the sight of it next sunday..this object turns out to be an old,ragged,red bag i came across when my mom decided (once again..) to employ herself as my fashion advisor..this does not mean that i get new clothes or she gets paid,if thats what u are thinkin..it is her little tactic to not buy me new clothing to cover my nakedness..and stuff me in my worn out,bleached,written on,painted on, plus done several other unacceptable activities on, peices of clothing! and guide me on a tour through my own wardrobe..the cheek! As any little princess would i accepted the fact that i have a few dozens of clothes and i wouldnt need any more, and my heart lifted towards hell to see the self-satisfied smile on my moms’ face….but the good part is that i came across THE BAG! BANG!!!!
it’s just one of those usual-see-on-streets-everyday sorta thing..nothing interesting!! the project i have in mind is redocorrating it (aka destroying that perfectly perfect bag!)i have two ideas..cover it with all sorts of badges or adopting a theme and doing sort of a motif on it..probably something with slimy snakes and chinese lettering..another option is to draw random things on it as i feel like it but my experience tells me this won’t actually work because a.i don’t have enough patience to wait forever until its completely done and b. its most probable that i’ll screw it…however, for the next few days im the woman with a strange red baG!
on friday, i had an interesting conversation with stfallen..while he was cooking his chicken! and i had another one of my sleepless nights,my head was dropping at 100 miles/h ..i sneaked outside with a huge cup of coffee and a toblerone to ease my mind and had them under the stars, alone ..and thought about random things, such as maryam , a character in a book called something..i cant remember ..and my dead dog and weirdly, ended up singing “so what” by pink..i was unable to arrive at an opinion about any of those so i felt depressed and crawled back into my room again..i sat on my bed and tried hard to be content about life..after a series of failures, i decided to give up…then i gobbled down yet another tobbi and laid myself down to sleep..i woke up with chocolate breath! 
on saturday,the DHL version of my mum presented me an album with a group photograph of my classmates from high school.i opened it to find them, in two twisted rows,smiling up at me, their asses tightened on chairs 5 inches to each other..and i realised how much im actually missing them..a whole semester at ANC,didn’t bring me such a goofy set of peeps..this is a tribute..guys! you bastards! keep rocking on like always! i walked around in a daze, my mind on all the stupidity we had exercised together, that my aunty inquired about the stars falling from my eyes into the pasta at dinner..then again..it might have been for the pasta was nontheless spicy prawn linguine!…..
yesterday..or was it today? im not really sure but i had a nightmare..i saw myself murdering this guy of about 40. I don’t remember his face though.From the few things i saw i can remember a temple, our (dead) driver, a gorgous phone and few faces from school and absolutely unknown people.Im wondering what it means…anyway,what i did was slashing the guy’s neck and running away..and then i can remember feeling scared knowing that i’ll go to jail for eternity..deathly! I hid it from my mom and then they found the body.(whoever they are) then i saw a pond of green water with a PAIR of corpses! people were milling around. I also remember seeing one of my friends killing the other guy..strange! i know! it still gives me shivers up my spine.!
10. Speeding my way through streets of colombo in a red convertible to riders on the storm-the doors
09.Climbing up the “down” elevator at some mall and making the world think i’m a terrible show-off
08.Getting done a belly button piercing
07.Shouting abuse and perfectly innocent human beings for being who they are
06.Dancing in the rain
05.Smiling at strangers so that they think im on drugs
04.Making out
03.burning out the pizza i had for dinner
02.Drumming my soul off
1.5.writing this on my diary instead of typing it
and the no1. thing i’d rather be doing than typing this
01.Curling up with a jug of coffee and a hilarious book
